Visions of Grandeur...

If I were president...

I think I would have to look hard at the decision to give the International Fertilizer Development Center in Alabama $1,700,000 for, �teaching underdeveloped nations how to wisely use fertilizer."

Or how about: Greyhound Lines, Inc. received bus security grants totaling $1,603,084. Approximately 22 million passengers ride Greyhound annually, meaning that if each passenger paid an extra 7 cents they could have paid for their own damn on board video cameras!

And what about Alaska getting $11,000,000 for sales preparation, maintenance, and pre-commercial thinning of the Tongass National Forest. ELEVEN MILLION tax payer dollars TO PREPARE forest timber to sell to commercial loggers. (Hey fella, that steak I just cooked for you...want me to cut it for you, too?)

But, more importantly,

If I were King of Paintball...

I would have to find a way to run these guys out of town:

Effective October 1st, VirtuePaintball.com, will discontinue web-sales of the entire Speedy series (software that "enhances" the operation of your electronic paintball gun). The Speedy software attracted a lot of attention last year, when the NPPL banned it for being so effective (read here "so effective at concealing it's cheating modes") that not even "the Robot" could catch it. (Not exactly the kind of attention I would want my product to receive!!)

"The whole purpose of the Speedy software was to be an equalizer for the players and teams who did not have the 'hook-up' from gun manufacturers to get 'cheater codes' in their guns. We were tired of seeing good teams get cheated out of winning just because they didn't know the right guy." (Great concept - a company that helps players cheat who don't have a way to cheat the cheaters! I don't suppose these guys were "so tired of seeing good teams get cheated" that they passed out these cheater boards for free.)

Now the Virtue Cyborg board has arrived. Get the best upgrade in paintball featuring superior trigger logic, enhanced eye logic, fully adjustable ramping, and virtually unlimited firing modes. (You say potato. I say potahto. Speedy software or Virtue board it's all the same. I can't find much virtue in simply changing the product name of your CHEATER BOARD in an attempt to misdirect the fact that the last one was BANNED!!)

By the way, you can find literally thousands of examples of the curious ways the government spends YOUR money at http://www.cagw.org