Saturday Paintball Reruns...

From March 17, 2005

RING! RING!

"Hello. T-Square Paintball. Can I help you?"

(young voice) "Yeah. How do I get there?"

"Umm, you need directions?"

"Yeah. Yeah, how do I get there?"

"What direction are you coming from?"



"Wait. Let me put my Mom on. MOM!! MOM!! MOM!!"

(fumbling of the phone - woman's voice) "Where are you located?"

"We are 3 miles north of Jacksonville on Old Highw..."

"No. No. How do I get there?"

"Oh. I'm sorry. You want directions."

(GUM SMACKING - KID YELLING IN THE BACKGROUND) "Yes. How do I get there?"

"Well, ma'am. What direction are you coming from?"

"What direction? Why does that matter?"

"The directions are different, depending on what direction you're coming from."

"Little Rock. (kid yelling in background - "MOM. MOM. ASK IF THEY RENT AUTOMATICS!") I'm coming from Little Rock."

"Ahhh, ok. Take 67/167 north to Jacksonville and take exit 11 - yada, yada, yada..."

(MORE GUM SMACKING) "Ok. And when I turn right after the bridge, that's the service road, right?"

"No, ma'am. Actually it's not."

"Are you sure??"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you sure it's not the service road??"

"Well, ma'am it's actually North First Street/John Harden/Old Highway 67. But that's a bit confusing so we just tell people to turn right after the bridge and stay on that road for three miles. You'll see the field on the left.

"Don't I have to bear to the left somewhere along there?"

"No, ma'am. That spot has been replaced with an intersection. After you turn right after the bridge just stay on that road for three miles."

"Are you sure?? I remember bearing to the left there somewhere."

I'm sure, ma'am. Turn right after the bridge and..."

"Never mind. I'll find it."

CLICK.

(a half hour later) RING. RING.

"Hello. T-Square Paintball. Can I help..."

(it’s the GUM SMACKER) "I’m on the service road. (KIDS YELLING IN THE BACKGROUND) Where the hell are you located?"