Freaks of nature...

After ranting a couple of posts back about how I only sell the best paintballs here at T-Square my daughter found this little gem in a factory sealed bag of 500 this past weekend.

To be fair, it was not found in our field paint but rather in a box of "backyard" paint that I sell the economy minded player.

It's actually two paintballs that were found stuck together. The bottom one is fairly intact and round while the top one is flattened and shaped into a perfect little hat! (The black marker features were added by one of our artistic field workers.)

Not necessarily something that made me mean and grumpy. In fact, I almost smiled when I saw it!

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RING...RING...

"Good Afternoon, T-Square Paintball."

"Hi. Do you sell those air ball field packages? You know, those cheap ones for around $300! My son wants to set up a paintball field in the backyard so he and his friends have a place to play."

"No, ma'am. I don't."

"Why not?"

There it is. They can't let it go. They have to ask THE question - "WHY NOT?"

"Well, Ma'am. A proper air ball field, one that won't be shot full of holes by the end of the day, will cost around $2500."

"Oh, I don't want to spend that much. I'll find the cheap one some where else."

CLICK!

She didn't give me a chance to ask if she was going to buy her back yard players a chronograph. I didn't get a chance to ask if she was going to safety check all her backyard player's guns and tanks and masks. I wondered if there would be someone to insure players kept their masks on.

I assume her property doesn't border a neighbor who might get upset if a stray ball bangs off the roof of his car but I have to wonder who is going to keep little sister from wandering out into the middle of a game to see what's going on. And I doubt she has a clue what a mess and handful of kids can leave in a backyard after a day of play.

How selfish of me. Never thinking of anyone but myself!

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Just because...

Customer: "I don't know what happened. The gun was shooting straight and now it doesn't. Balls sling to the left and then to the right and then they cork screw."

Me: While cleaning a big gob of goo from the breach I asked, "When was the last time you cleaned your gun?"

Customer: "All the time. Maybe I need a different barrel. Do you think I need a different barrel?"

Me: Forty three seconds after I picked up his gun I had it cleaned, lubed and ready to shoot. "Maybe. What paint were you shooting?"

Customer: "I dunno. Something I picked up at Wallyworld - some good orange stuff, on sale for eight bucks a box."

Me: "Ummm, yeah. Sausage and eggs, I bet," I said under my breath.

Customer: "Say what...? Hey, and then I shot some of your yellow paint I had left over from about six months ago. Maybe it's your paint. Did you get a bad batch of paint?"

HOLD THE DAMN TRAIN. Now, see, I usually just blow off these types of conversations. But I get real sensitive when it comes to my paint. I study paint. I research paint. I shop for just the right brand. I carefully calculate just how much I need so I never have more than enough sitting and going stale. I watch the weather all along the delivery route. I stand waiting for it when it's due for delivery. I delicately off load each box and tuck them safely in their air conditioned and heated storage room. I test and sample random bags checking for bounce and fill stability. I check on it in the middle of the night when the temperature drops and set up more fans when the mid-day heat threatens. If there is even a hint that a box of paint may have to wait on the shelf for more than a weekend the boxes are flipped to avoid flat spots or settling.

Those guys checking hops for Sam Adams beer have nothing over me when it comes to picking and choosing paint.

So, yeah, I get a bit fired up when someone questions my paint. Again I usually just blow it off. Only this time I did something else I don't usually do.

It's an arrogant thing to do. A show-off, kinda in-your-face thing that is very much not my nature.

I loaded the customer's clean gun with a hundred rounds of T-Square paint and took him outside where I made him watch me drill the center of a coke can wide sapling, setting about 50 feet away, with 75 out of 80 shots. I then handed him the gun and let him plink the remaining 20 rounds while I went back inside to clean up.

Customer: "It's shooting better now. Thanks."

Me: "Your welcome. No charge."

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Version three (the last, I promise)...

There is a word being whispered in the quiet corners of paintball's corporate world, behind closed, guarded doors, by small groups of fretful executives.

The word is, 'recession'!

Corporate paintball took a hit this year. And in typical fashion corporate paintball stood around wondering who farted while standing knee deep in their own poo.

I confess. I'm the reason for paintball's recession and here's why.

I've been driving away customers. Cash carrying, credit card not quite maxed out, check bouncing, who cares about the 25 dollar service charge, want to buy it now, customers.

I talk customers out of buying 21 inch sniper barrels. I refuse to make my shop look like a military arsenal. I don't stock or sell mil-sim gear. I refuse to ask anyone if they want a Stiffi (a barrel) or suggest they "Smoke the Pipe" (a barrel kit)!

When someone comes in wanting a cheap paintball gun I tell them I don't sell cheap stuff. When they ask for an electronic marker (hoping to see something they saw advertised for around a hundred bucks) I show them a $2000 (don't forget the air and feed system and plumbing) tournament gun and tell them any other electronic gun is a cheap, unreliable knock-off.

I don't stock delrin bolts for blow backs, dog leg stocks, CO2 regulators, paint named Bite, Tear or Rip, $79 jerseys, DVD's featuring four letter words I'VE never heard or packs that carry 1200 paintballs.

I don't sell anything from a company that calls itself Evil or from a company that claims its competition's paint has the runs! I don't stock paintball video games that have cheater modes or cheater boards for guns.

You might wonder how I stay in business. I admit to having a few questionable, high profit doodads and frou-frous on the display counter (frou-frous - that's a fancy Bulgarian word for knick knacks)! I'll never understand the fanatical attraction players have for barrels that apply a floating backspin to a paintball or why shaking a gravity feed hopper is such a revolting anachronism. And stocks? They seem a bit redundant (and heavy and awkward and expensive) considering the tank fits most shoulders like a stock. But, hey. I got bills to pay so I sell a few bent barrels and agitating hoppers and awkward fitting stocks.

But I can't seem to make myself sell a $100 mask when I know a $29 one works fine. Just as I can't sell a rec ball player a $299 high end marker that needs another $450 worth of Bulgarian knick knacks before it will work right. Especially when I know a complete $150 package is available that will shoot as straight and as fast and reliable as anything out there.

And for that I apologize to the industry...

with no apologies to my customers.

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Version two...

Friday, December 02, 2005


There is a word being whispered in the quiet corners of paintball's corporate world, behind closed, guarded doors, by small groups of fretful executives.

The word is, recession!

Corporate paintball took a hit this year. And in typical fashion corporate paintball is standing around wondering who farted while knee deep in their own poo.

Have you thumbed through a paintball magazine lately? They are all beginning to look like copies of Soldier of Fortune Magazine. Arm yourself today with the new RAP4 T68 pistol complete with "rubber grips for a firm grip in intense situations"!

There's an ad for S.W.A.T. boots squeezed in between the SR25 Sniper Kit and the �very first magazine-fed pistol. And have you seen the guy on page 55 of the January 2006 issue of APG? He looks like he just crawled out of a spyder hole with what looks like (forgive me, I'm not up my assault rifle identification) an AK-47!

Later there's the SIM-4. For $569 you get a paintball gun that looks like a version of the military M-4, complete with scope, laser sight and mounted tactical flashlight (all cleverly wrapped around a standard Spyder/Piranha blow back body). "Equip yourself with this and you are ready to rule the battlefield!" (How funny that a basic $70 Spyder/Piranha will shoot just as far and as hard and as accurate and is easier to break down and clean.)

On the same page is a paintball gun that looks like an assault shotgun.

In the same magazine a company called MILTEC offers the MT-65 M-16, the MT-65 M-16 A1, the MT-65 M-16 A2, the MT-65 M-16 Elite, the MT-65 M16 RIS, the MT-66 ASP, the MT-66 A1, the MT-66 A2, the MT-66 Elite, the MT-66 CQB, and the MT-66 RIS! Oh, and don�t forget the MT-75 MP5. I especially like the fake banana clip version.

In the same APG there is a tear out 2006 calendar. Nine of the twelve months look like recruiter ads for military special operations units. There's a ad in the calendar for a company that will, for a small $200 fee, paint your A5 paintball gun with tigerstripe, woodland, urban tigerstripe or desert digital camo paint.

And this is how we want to present paintball to the mainstream?

Just a short 11 years ago the paintball world joined together to discourage field owners from giving their fields names like Blood and Guts Paintball or Kill and Carnage Paintball Field or In The Crosshairs Paintball Battlefield (no kidding, cross my heart and hope to die, names of paintball fields at the time) and even went so far as to discourage playing in BDUs (military battle dress uniforms).

And today, just when we had Mom convinced that paintball was a neat little activity for her 12 year old's birthday party we bring in the Delta Force. Just when Dad finds a cool game he can share with his son he finds himself face to face with an assault rifled, side arm carrying Westmoreland in camo paint! And just when church youth groups are coming someone in the congregation decides they don't want to be associated with paramilitary training camps!

Awww, but who am I kidding. I have a tank at the field. And I use to play military with my brothers when I was growing up. 'Course, it was with sticks for guns and pine cones for grenades. And then again I stopped playing military and joined for real when I was nineteen. Maybe the 22 real years served (four in special operations) took all the military fun out of me.

Hell, yeah... let's grab a bag of bullets (paintballs) and go kill (mark) some commies (fellow players)!

(to be continued...)

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Version one...

Wednesday, November 30, 2005


There is a word being whispered in the quiet corners of paintball's corporate world, behind closed, guarded doors, by small groups of fretful executives.

The word is, recession!

Corporate paintball took a hit this year. And in typical fashion corporate paintball is standing around wondering who farted while knee deep in their own poo.

Grab up and read a handful of different paintball magazines and tell me if anything pops out at you!

One caters to tournament ball. One thinks scenario games are the greatest. Another tells you pump action is the gentlemanly way to play while another thinks it's cool to show pictures of kids showing off their welts. Advertisements scream MIL-SIM on one page, TOURNAMENT ELECTRONICS on another, while yet another page has a naked girl selling cheap STARTER PACKAGES.

You have to be a punk to play paintball. No wait you have to be Rambo. No wait...you have to be a dad wanting to bond with his kids. No wait, you have to be a female.

Sybil has nothing over paintball. Like a cat with 15 lives, paintball trundles along, twenty years young, still trying to find itself.

One shot, rock and cock. Twenty shots and twist that six pack. One hundred and eighty shots, refill that hopper. Six hundred shots and replace that constant air. Shake that hopper, no wait, switch it on. Pull the trigger once and bounce six shots. Pull that trigger four times and watch that velocity rise.

Try putting a finger on what paintball actually is. You'll have better luck nailing jello to a wall.

Paintball is psychotic. Entering onto the game right now is like trying to cross a six lane highway at rush hour.

Makes me want to buy an X-box!

(to be continued...)

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Points of view...

I do not have potholes in my parking lot!

They are speedbumps!

Happy holidays!

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Tournament???

If it had only happened a couple of times I wouldn't have thought twice about it but over a dozen times in the past couple of weeks I have taken calls from people wanting information about the tournament on Sunday, November 20.

As politely as possible (or at least as politely as possible for a mean and grumpy field owner) I reminded each caller that it was a BIG GAME, not a tournament!

And now it's necessary to explain why it makes a difference to me.

A big game is not a tournament, no matter how hard some people try to make it so.

Once upon a time BIG GAMES/SCENARIO GAMES use to consist of a bunch of folks coming together, splitting up into two teams, and playing paintball all day and in some cases on through the night.

Now (actually they have been around awhile) there are Big Game/Scenario (BG/S) teams. They are made up of players, sometimes a few in number, more often ten or fifteen strong that play as a team within the team. Sometimes they are tasked with special operations. Usually they are there just to wreak havoc or to attempt to show off just enough to win the Best Team award that is tossed out at these events.

There was once a time when all I had to worry about while playing these Big Games or Scenarios was popping over a hill and finding myself outnumbered by a Dad and his two sons. Now you can't go to these events with out wondering where or when you might come up against a BG/S team squad strength complete with radio communications and rear echelon support! Yet another class of players to add to the already over flowing class list of players (rec-ball, woodsball, tournament, airball, noobie, amateur, pro, division I, division II, pump, semi, electro, 3 man, 5 man, 7 man, x-ball, PSP, NPPL, ad naseum...)!

I don't like BG/S teams. They are not good for Big Games or Scenarios. I will not allow a BG/S team play (intact**) in my Big Games (**they are welcomed to attend as long as they agree to split up).

It's suggested by some that there is a place for BG/S teams, that they should form an association or league and play each other tournament style! It has been tried. I can tell you it won't catch on due to the very nature of BG/S teams.

Tournament teams are created in hopes of becoming the best among many. BG/S teams are formed in order to insure they are the best among a few.

It's an elitist thing!

And keep in mind - the "comments" section is turned off but you are always welcome to e-mail me (include "paintball" somewhere in the subject or it's trashed). Also keep in mind that these are my humble opinions so your comments will be regarded as irrelevant. Love you all! Have a happy Turkey Day!

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This one is for the boys...!

My apologies in advance for the delicate subject of this post!

Most guys, when playing baseball without the benefit of a cup, who get hit in the groin by a bad hop, fall to the ground and mumble, "Damn, I should have wore a cup."

If you are playing football without a cup and get kneed between the legs you roll up in the fetal position and mumble, "Damn, I should have wore a cup."

When you get smacked in the privates by a freight training tennis ball you drop your racquet and crawl off the court thinking, "Damn, tennis isn't a sport where you usually wear a cup but, damn, I wish I wore one."

So why is it when a player gets nailed in the jewels by a paintball they drop to the ground and DON'T mumble, "Damn, I should have wore a cup."

Instead they say, "Why does Mick let these sharpshooters, who only aim between the legs and are here only to make my life miserable, play on his field?"

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Give WHO a break...?

Went to the movies the other day and bought a small, dollar fifty popcorn. I finished that bad boy off before the previews ended, so I went out front and bought me another. And just to be nice I broke down and bought Marylou one too. I sure thought dinner would have filled her up! Movie got slow about half way through (plus I had to relieve myself of a quart of cherry Coke) so I bought another small popcorn.

And then, as the movie was ending it hit me. I paid six bucks for four small popcorns when I could have paid five fifty for a super jumbo size.

THEM SOB'S RIPPED ME OFF!!!

I could of saved fifty cents.

So, you know what I did (No, I didn't say to myself, "Next time I'll get the jumbo." I'm no push over!)? I reached under my seat and grabbed those four small popcorn cups and marched right out to the concession and demanded my fifty cents.

And you know what the manager said?

I won't repeat what he said but I can say this. That's the meanest and grumpiest theater manager I've every come across.

Man, some people!

(And for anyone who might have missed the irony or satire in this little story - every weekend someone will buy four 100 round bags for $20 and when they find out they could have bought one 500 round bag for $20 they insist I owe them a free bag. At first glance this might seem like an innocent enough request. Lord knows I've sucked it up on many occasions and gone ahead and given some kid the bulk price break.

But, dang it, you adults should know better. A salary has to be paid FIVE times to prepare those FIVE bags of paint and a salary has to be paid FIVE times to serve those FIVE bags of paint. That's why those FIVE 100 round bags cost more than ONE 500 round bag. A salary only has to be paid ONE time to prepare that bag and a salary only has to be paid ONE time to serve that bag - a break for me that I'm willing to pass on to you.)

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Just another day...

I cringe whenever I go to split a group into teams and one of them says, "Oh, we already have the teams picked." Typically it's a declaration from one of the Alpha males in the group and I can always count on the teams being neither fairly picked nor evenly matched.

It happened today. It was a group of adults so I threw caution to the wind and said, What the hell! as I led the two teams into the woods. It was pretty clear by the first game and very obvious after the second game that it was going to be a long day for one of the teams.

I offered to split them up a couple of times but the team getting their butt's whooped insisted on playing on, mostly as a matter of pride. (Did I mention it was a military group?) In the end one team limped home, battered and bruised, not exactly a group of folks I would expect to come out and play again anytime soon while the other team hooted and hollered and slapped themselves on the back in celebration of their victory(s).

So now I'm disappointed with myself for not insisting that the teams be reformed, upset that I let one team convince me the teams didn't need to be reformed and pissed that the other team would set their buddies up and use them the way they did.

They say we are all wired differently. Does that explain why some people care, some people don't and others just don't give a damn?

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Just thoughts...

"Bullet with a name on it."

Sounds sinister, doesn't it?

It's the name of an album or a song or something that just came out. I heard it on the radio. What ever. It doesn't matter

"Bullet with a name on it" is gangsta. It conjures up (to me anyway) scenes from the Godfather or The Day of the Jackal (anyone remember that one - a classic sniper/assassin film)? The phrase has been used in more than one military combat movie too, I'm sure.

Now, replace bullet with paintball...

"Paintball with a name on it."

Ummmm.... hehe, sorry folks. Allow me a moment to, well... giggle!

"Paintball with a name on it" just doesn't come close to "Bullet with a name on it"!

I guess that explains why someone PLAYING paintball with a mil-sim gun wearing an LBE loaded with grenades makes me want to, ummm, giggle!

I suppose that's why someone wanting a paintball sniper rifle makes me shake my head.

Come to think of it, that's why, when some bad ass struts off the field thinking he just accomplished something big by jacking up some little kid with half a dozen paintballs in the back, I want to go and slap him back into reality.

I'ts not "BULLET with a name on it"

You didn't just clear a bunker at Iwo Jima. You didn't just change history by assassinating a diplomat and you sure as heck haven't proved your machismo to any of the homeboys here at T2!

Bullet/paintball. RPG/snowball. Skud missle/spitball. Mac10/PMI Pirahna.

It's just a game!

It's important to keep this stuff in context.

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Here's your sign...

What would posses someone to lift up "CAUTION" tape so they could get around it? Or pass three "CLOSED" signs and bang on the Pro-Shop door wanting in? I use to have a 2 foot by 6 foot sign hanging over the table where you turn in equipment that said "TURN IN HERE". People would stand under it and ask, "Where do I turn in my stuff?" There was a sign near our register explaining why running a credit card for a $3 dollar air fill cost me more than the $3 but people still complained about the service charge I needed to charge. The table people lean across to shoot at the range says "MASK ON". But I wouldn't dare send anyone there without a ref tagging along.

I have signs that direct. I have signs that explain. I have signs that caution. I even have signs that poke fun. What I don't have are signs that say "READ THE SIGNS" and what is clear is you just can't put up enough signs. Go on. Tell me...! What very important request is written at the bottom of the "WELCOME" sign?

Folks ask me when I'm going to get a real sign put up at the entrance to T-Square (I take that to mean a more "professional" sign since there is one there). They don't know whether or not to take me serious when I say, "Why the heck would I want anyone to know where I am."

Seriously. Do I really need another sign?

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Hello? Is that you?

It has come to my attention that some people check in here regularly to see if the mean and grumpy paintball field owner has said something so outrageous, or stupid or insulting as to completely embarrass himself. Maybe to see if he has stepped on "it" or in "it". Put his foot in his mouth, so to speak.

Well... Move along. You missed it.

I apologized. I deleted the post. Now let's move on.

Stay alert people. If you snooze around here you lose!

Peace! Out!

(And to MB who stops by to check for grammar and spelling..I sincerely thank you!!)

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It's hunting season...

Imagine that big buck, your rifle drawn, a perfect site picture looking down fixed sites or a close up, cross-haired view through a high powered scope. Breath control...squeeze, don�t yank the trigger, careful...

"HEY! Who the heck shot me in the back?"

Another lesson in why experienced paintballers do NOT use sites or scopes.

You have time to use sites or scopes when hunting. Deer and squirrel and ducks don't shoot back. If they did they would send a buddy around your flank and take you out while all your attention and time was focused in one spot.

Experienced rec ball players keep their head moving, their eyes moving - they pay attention to the big picture and direct their paintballs rather than aim them. (Tournament players play in a similar fashion only they direct cases of paint, grenade style, in little 24 ball per second bursts!)

Experienced paintballers know that sites and scopes are for aiming bullets. Bullets are shaped like bullets so they will fly straight. Paintballs are shaped round (coincidentally the same shape a curve ball starts out life as) because it is to expensive to make them bullet shaped. Trying to aim a paintball is like trying to aim a water balloon. All you can hope for, and realistically all you should hope for, is to get your target wet!

I don't hunt animals, by the way. I would consider it if we could equip them all with paintball markers and the ability to use them. Rambo Rabbit armed with a Tippmann. Now that would be a challenge!

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Disgruntled customers...

Disgruntled customers make a lot of different noises. The sound of SQUEALING TIRES is one I've keyed on lately. It happens at least once a week and already three times this week!

The field and store hours are on T2 brochures. The field and store hours are on the T2 phone message service. The field and store hours are posted on our T2 Welcome board. And for the folks that walk past the posted hours on the fence near the entrance and then stand outside the Pro-Shop beating on the door - the field and store hours are displayed in the window near the front door of the Pro-Shop.

I suppose if I drove all the way from Benton or Maumelle to get a CO2 tank filled, only to find the shop closed, I might be a little pissed too - at myself. It's been along time since I've taken out my frustrations on vehicle tires, maybe 35 years ago, when I was 17, in my Dad's truck!

I'm closed Monday and Tuesday, people. Get over it!

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Propane and propane accessories...

Tippmann has a new paintball marker that is powered by propane. No CO2. No high pressure air or nitrogen. And 50,000 shots off a 16 ounce tank ($2.93 at your local Lowes)! Hank Hill must be so proud. And with Hank happy how could anyone be mean or grumpy?

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Visions of Grandeur...

If I were president...

I think I would have to look hard at the decision to give the International Fertilizer Development Center in Alabama $1,700,000 for, �teaching underdeveloped nations how to wisely use fertilizer."

Or how about: Greyhound Lines, Inc. received bus security grants totaling $1,603,084. Approximately 22 million passengers ride Greyhound annually, meaning that if each passenger paid an extra 7 cents they could have paid for their own damn on board video cameras!

And what about Alaska getting $11,000,000 for sales preparation, maintenance, and pre-commercial thinning of the Tongass National Forest. ELEVEN MILLION tax payer dollars TO PREPARE forest timber to sell to commercial loggers. (Hey fella, that steak I just cooked for you...want me to cut it for you, too?)

But, more importantly,

If I were King of Paintball...

I would have to find a way to run these guys out of town:

Effective October 1st, VirtuePaintball.com, will discontinue web-sales of the entire Speedy series (software that "enhances" the operation of your electronic paintball gun). The Speedy software attracted a lot of attention last year, when the NPPL banned it for being so effective (read here "so effective at concealing it's cheating modes") that not even "the Robot" could catch it. (Not exactly the kind of attention I would want my product to receive!!)

"The whole purpose of the Speedy software was to be an equalizer for the players and teams who did not have the 'hook-up' from gun manufacturers to get 'cheater codes' in their guns. We were tired of seeing good teams get cheated out of winning just because they didn't know the right guy." (Great concept - a company that helps players cheat who don't have a way to cheat the cheaters! I don't suppose these guys were "so tired of seeing good teams get cheated" that they passed out these cheater boards for free.)

Now the Virtue Cyborg board has arrived. Get the best upgrade in paintball featuring superior trigger logic, enhanced eye logic, fully adjustable ramping, and virtually unlimited firing modes. (You say potato. I say potahto. Speedy software or Virtue board it's all the same. I can't find much virtue in simply changing the product name of your CHEATER BOARD in an attempt to misdirect the fact that the last one was BANNED!!)

By the way, you can find literally thousands of examples of the curious ways the government spends YOUR money at http://www.cagw.org

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**WARNING** Adult Content

Okay, so maybe it's not all that. But it is paintball related. Seriously! Just don't ask me how or where I found this and try not to stop reading till you reach the end!

>>Holland Gets Prickly Over Park Sex...
9/13/2005 6:56:48

Park rangers in Holland have a new strategy to dissuade couples from getting randy in Het Twiske Park, outside of Amsterdam: nettles and thistles. According to the UK's More magazine, the park is fed up with people using their nature preserve for sexual escapades. Says Het Twiske's head park ranger of the perpetrators, "They are very difficult to catch because they warn each other with mobile phones when they hear us approaching." Rangers have planned to cut back bushes and replace them with thistles and nettles in an attempt to make things more abrasive for lovers. A plan is also in the works to turn popular areas into paintball ranges.<< Sure. As guess as long as they wear masks!

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Thank you (you know who you are)!

In most cases, before you decide to trust someone, you have some time to decide whether or not that person can be trusted. Before you hand the butcher's apprentice a meat cleaver you let him hack around with a paring knife. Before you hand out that engagement ring you allow a little time to pass in order to weed out the psychopaths. And before you turn over the keys to the nuclear power plant you do back ground checks on the new plant manager (Well, okay, maybe Homer Simpson is the exception!).

Extreme examples, but I think you get my point.

Not so at the paintball field. On nearly a daily basis I give high powered, air rifles and a hundred rounds of ammo to all ages and all manner of unknowns and then turn them loose in the woods to hunt each other down. Sounds almost crazy when I dwell on it for to long.

Of course, we do take some precautions. We vigilantly check equipment for safety and send trained observers (referees) into the woods to enforce rules.

Yet there is always some yucklehead (I just added that word to my spell check dictionary) who takes offense when I ask him to speed check his personal gun or quiz her on the safety video she just slept through! They think maybe I don't trust them.

Trust might be a given out here at the local paintball field but none of us just fell off the turnip truck. We know someone is going to try a suicide run into a bunker full of eleven year olds. Someone is going to pull off his gun plug and thrust the barrel into our face to show us the goo dripping from his barrel. And then, there is always the, "I don't need no safety briefing - I just want to shoot somebody" person!

My refs are instructed to be patient with everyone. But the yuckleheads are frustrating on so many levels. IT'S UNFORTUNATE that we have to bring EVERYONE down to the yucklehead's level since we just don't always have the time to pick and choose who we can trust.

If you are one of our more experienced players, the one who stands in the back of the crowd grinning while we brief the yuckleheads, I SALUTE your patience (This also includes players who may not be experienced but are patient and allow us time to address the yuckleheads). Believe me; it's greatly appreciated. I know of many players who have gone off to play at other fields because they took being lumped among the yuckleheads personal.

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Will work for paint...

Am I missing something, here?? I've been to a few paintball fields over the last few months where I have seen signs that read "Referees Work For Tips"! Silly me. I shelled out over $40,000 last year in referee salaries and bonuses!

Mean and grumpy???

Actually, I'll do it again this year, and do it with pride and pleasure and great personal satisfaction.

Referees work their tails off. At the ripe, old, median age of fifteen they are safety experts, customer service reps, babysitters, diplomatic aids, construction workers, marathon runners, politicians (ugghhh), technical consultants, janitors, public speakers, rule enforcers, teachers, and in many cases, human shields for 180 mph projectiles!

No one can claim they will get rich working at T-Square. For the majority of the teenagers that work here it's their first taste of employment. At $5.50 an hour it probably just covers gas (yeah, right!), new sneakers and a night out on the town (burgers and a movie) with a friend! But when they get lured away from T-Square by the big dollar employers like Burger Queen or Wallyworld they leave better people.

Damn right I pay my refs**. And teach them and feed them and entertain them and tip them with bonuses myself. Besides, I'm getting to old to be dragging my tired butt out into the woods!

Oh, and did I mention that along with the 40,000 plus dollars paid in salaries I paid nearly $10,000 dollars in various state and federal employment and unemployment taxes?

Now THAT makes me mean and grumpy!

**And, YES, T-Square refs can and will GLADLY accept any and all tips.

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Don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer!

I put survey polls on www.tsquarepaintball.com. Writing survey questions is an art. So much so that there are professional survey writers that make high six figure incomes just creating surveys. Surveys can be carefully written or placed in order to insure the results will be in your favor. And the opposite is true. A poorly written or placed survey can sink a battleship!

Take my last survey question for instance: "Do you think the 20 foot rule is a good rule?"

Forty percent said "yes" and forty percent said "no"!

Now you might think I would be concerned that a full forty percent of my players appear to be unhappy with this particular T2 rule. But consider the placement of this poll. A large majority of the people who regularly check out the T2 web page are regulars who tend to be advanced or tournament players (who are a small minority of the T2 player population). Imagine how different the results would be if I placed the survey in a way that insured a majority of birthday and church group players responded!

I could have written the survey question in a different way. Instead of "Do you think the 20 foot rule is a good rule?" I could have written "Do you think the 20 foot rule is a good rule for rec (recreational) ball players?" The results would have been much different and I wouldn't have had to deal with comments like:

"NONONO - Forget the 20 foot rule. Its for wimps! If you ever play a real tournament you will hate the 20 foot rule. It should be banded forever!!!!"

or

"20 foot my a$ - there is no need to have a rec ball style field and have tourney players on it. it only lowers your (the tourney player's) standards and your effectiveness in a real tourney style or X-ball game so all you wimps, pansy's, fruits, or old school refs with that 20 foot bull leave it to the parents and mick who need it"

Comments, by the way, that remind me why I detest tournament player mentality.

Peace. Out!

Mick (wimp) Gray

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Chevys and Fords...

"Hey, Mick! How come you don't sell Timmys??"

I have a bad habit of answering a question with a question sometimes. Some might pause and take a long couple of breaths before tackling "one of those" questions. Me? I don't have the patience. But I don't want to be rude, either.

Hence, my reply, "Why doesn't the Chevy dealer sell Fords?"

Anybody else ready for some cooler weather??

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I get suggestion...

I've fallen behind on responding to suggestions I find in the suggestion box. I’ll try to catch up with this post!

Let groups of 5 or 6 play what they want.

Sorry. Not going to happen. A group is 12 or more players. Then if you can get the 12 to agree on what they want to play before the sun goes down we will set you up with what ever you want (within safety limits)! There is a post somewhere in the archives that further explains why I can’t cater to small numbers.

Make group discount for 8 or 10 people. Not 12!

Here is an explanation that is included in the archive post I mentioned above. With a group of ten I lose money. With eleven I break even, and with twelve I make just enough profit to take my granddaughter to McDonalds on Friday night! Twelve is the absolute minimum I can afford. I actually count on groups to bring 15 to 20 or more players.

Limit feet per second, not balls per second.

By show of hands - who wants to be hit by 10 or 12 balls per second by some punk with a DM4? We limit feet per second (under 280fps) AND balls per second in the interest of safety and fair play.

Moving targets.

Yeah, I agree. I’ve seen some games where the opponents are pretty non-aggressive. What would you suggest? Maybe some kangaroos? Or how ‘bout some goats!

Easier to use grenades!

Hmmmm. Shake. Pull the pin. Throw. Maybe I could have the refs shake them and be standing by to pull the pin!

Rearrange the fields.

Ok, lets move the fort field over where the tower field is and let’s move the tower field over where the badlands was and, oh wait. You mean, like, move the trees around and stuff?

I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. We are making it a priority this year to add more bunkers, change up some shooting lanes, etc. C’mon out and check out the work that is being done.

Takes to long between games.

When I decided to open the field back in 1995 I made quick turnarounds one of my top priorities. I’ve had over 50 people working here at one time or another and have only had to fire three. Two of those were for sitting on their butt. My refs know I insist on keeping the games moving.

Now with that said let me throw it back at you and ask, "Why was there a delay?" If it was the ref why was I not informed before the end of the day?

Maybe there was a break while more players were inserted. Or maybe the ref is waiting for a field to clear. Or maybe half your group decided to take a break leaving not enough players to start a new game. Or maybe your ref had been reffing for 4 hours before you got to the field and needs a break! Or maybe an unusual amount of people need to be cleaned up or have equipment checked.

Or, maybe you have a ref who is sitting on his/her butt. Ten minutes max - that’s how long it should take to get the next game going. I will say this, though, at some of the bigger fields, Skirmish, S.C. Village, Challenge Park, etc. it is normal to wait 40 to 50 minutes between games.

In my not so humble opinion my refs deserve a whole lot more pats on the back (and an occasional tip) from players than they are getting now.

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Sorry VW...

When folks ask me about putting an electronic grip on a Spyder or Tippmann or Piranha or similar rec ball gun I use to say, "That would be like supercharging a Volkswagen". To be fair to the Volkswagen people I really need to find a new analogy. I've seen some pretty fast VW's out there lately.

Actually my analogy works if you remember I'm 50+ years old. My idea of a Volkswagen is the OOOOLD style "Beetle" (Does anyone remember the split rear window model?). I think those things topped out at about 40 horse power. The thought of supercharging something like that was akin to putting a supercharged engine on a roller skate.

Ever hear the expression, "The mind is willing but the body is weak"?

My mind might think I could finish a triathlon but I doubt my body would allow it. Putting electronic brains on a rec ball gun might send "shoot fast" signals to the gun's body, but it won't be long before the body wears out, you chip the sear, ding the hammer catch or crack the grip frame.

Tournament players shoot $2500 dollar electronic guns for reasons that actually exceed their egos. It takes that kind of money to buy a gun that has been designed and manufactured to truly be capable of shooting, and sustaining, the rate of fire that rec ball players are trying to achieve with Wallymart guns.

Do you really need a high rate of fire paintball gun? If you think you do you might want to examine your motives.

Are you trying to keep up with your high rate of fire friends?? Maybe you need some new friends. Come out to T-Square where high rate of fire is not allowed and aiming the paintball gun is encouraged.

Are you wanting to hit someone with 10 or 15 balls per second? I suggest you find a new game. Sadists and psychos don't do much for the game's image.

Are you trying to increase your accuracy by way of volume? May I suggest practicing with a pump gun!

Are you trying to make me rich through paint sales? Sorry, you're on the wrong track. It's the smile of a young player who just took out a "big gun" with one, well placed, orb of yellow paint that fills my coffers with gold!

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I get suggestions...

I like suggestions. I encourage them with a suggestion box outside the pro-shop. Some of the suggestions leave me grumpy. Here’s one that left me baffled:

"You need a vat of ice water for high pressure fills - gives a cleaner more accurate fill."

I actually know where this suggestion is coming from. It’s the cleaner more accurate part that leaves me scratching my head.

When you jam air under a lot of pressure into a metal tank it will expand in size. You can’t see it expand but to the bazillions of molecules that make up the tank its a veritable earthquake. Anytime you go jostling molecules around you get HEAT as a by product.

When you have a scuba tank filled the shop owner has two options - fill the tank very, very slowly so you don’t have to carry the tank back to your car wearing oven mitts, or put the tank in a vat of cold water to cool it down while it is filled. Scuba shops fill using cold water. Keeping the tank cool also reduces the wear and tear on the tank.

To get a clean fill you have to have a clean source of air. Scuba compressors are strictly filtered for particles as well as moisture. To get an accurate fill you need accurate gauges.

Which brings me to paintball high pressure tanks. The gauges on these tanks are not very accurate. They are known to vary as much as plus or minus 500psi. If you want an accurate gauge the price of your tank will almost double. Since no one’s life is at stake (as with scuba air) and since the tank will not blow up with 500 extra psi*** the paintball industry can get away with a cheaper gauge.

Cold water fills are not required for paintball tanks. Sure the tank gets warm, but the level of molecular jostling is much smaller. Good thing, too, since I doubt you would want to wait in line behind people filling their tanks very, very slowly or using a cold water vat to cool them down. A particle and moisture filter on our compressor assures a clean fill and the gauges on our compressor, regulators and fill station are much more accurate than the gauge on your tank.

Now, it’s true when you leave the fill station with 3000 psi and a warm tank you will read around 500 psi less when you get to the field. But this is a matter of air pressure vs. temperature rather than accuracy. When you fill a tank it heats up, which heats up the air inside and increases the pressure. As the tank cools, the air cools and your gauge will read lower. But who cares? You have plenty of air for a couple of games and an unlimited supply for the $5 all day air fee! If you stop by for a fill up to take home we fill the tank slower to insure a true 3000 psi fill.

***Just a "DUH" note: I DO NOT suggest you put an extra 500psi in your tank. A 3000psi tank will actually take an accidental 9000psi fill without catastrophic failure but I DO NOT suggest trying that either!

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Rules are what make a game fun!

Imagine playing Monopoly without rules. You can move as many spaces as you want, can take money from the bank anytime you need it. To an immature mind this would probably be considered nirvana. Someone who enjoys the game would wonder, “What’s the point?"

It’s this idea that makes me crazy when someone asks, "Why can’t we play free for all, not be out when hit and just shoot till we run out of paint, no rules?"

What would be the point?

When you have nothing of something a void is created and the first thing that will fill a void when there are no rules is chaos. Safety would be non-existent, since safety is created by the enforcement of rules.

I’m an excitement junkie. Chaos, however, gives me headaches.

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Dad comes in with four kids...

They’re hardly tall enough to see over the check-in counter so I check their waiver cards to make sure they’re old enough to play. No problems.

The kids are fired up, ready to play. Dad looks over at a group of players near the T.V. that are watching the safety brief - 17, maybe 18, wearing camo and setting up their own guns.

"You kids sure you want to play against those guy?" Dad says hitching a finger toward the T.V.

And it happened in an instant. I saw it in the kid's eyes. The fun and fire turned into doubt and apprehension.

Dad says, "We want to play as a separate group."

"Sorry, Sir. You need 12 or more to make a group."

"I’ll pay for 12!"

"Well, Sir, if I could spare a referee that would mean 12 times $15."

"I don't care about the money."

"Sorry, I can’t pull a walk-on ref for a group of five."

"Well. It doesn’t seem right that these kids have to play with those adults" (ummm, hello. YOU plan to play with the kids!)

Later, I over hear Dad trying to cajole a couple of my younger refs into letting them play as a private group!

I stepped from around the corner of the gun shed and addressed the four boys. "You guys grab your gear and go out there and show those big guys how to play paintball. The refs will make sure everyone plays fair and safe!"

Man. I was fuming. I headed for my office to calm down. I didn’t care for Dad’s arrogance, I didn’t care for him putting doubt in the kid’s minds and I sure as heck didn’t care for him going around me and trying to push his way past my refs!

Four hours later I happened to be standing outside when Dad and the four kids were heading for the parking lot.

The kids were chattering away, one saying, "What a blast! - while another was telling his friend, "I’m gonna have my birthday party, here!"

Ok...I'll say it.

Sometimes I wish the Dads (and Moms) would stay home!

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I get e-mails...

"Dear Sir/Ma'am - Do you rent paintball equipment to be used at a different location?"

Usually the e-mail will go on to explain how they have a "BIG" back yard or permission to use "Uncle Charlie's" farm. Some are even considerate enough to offer a deposit.

And usually I just say no, explaining the liability problems and that's the end of it - no grumpy, no mean!

But this e-mail caught me at the worst time (funny how timing can make such a difference in a situation).

I just came out of the woods, sweating my butt off, exhausted, thirsty, hungry after working on new bunkers and adding other improvements to the fields. And this guy wants to rent my equipment, shoot crappy Walmart paint through it, and play in his BIG back yard.

Hmmmm...He's going to spend money on gas to get here and back, I'm going to charge him rental, charge him for CO2 that he would usually get free, gas here and back to return the equipment, keep half his deposit for returning the guns trashed....!

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I get SUGGESTIONS...!

I get suggestions. Now, suggestions don't necessarily make me mean and grumpy. In fact, I encourage them. There is a suggestion box mounted on our welcome sign.

One suggestion that I get alot comes from what I call the "wolfpacks"! There are always three or four or five in the walk-on groups that don't want to follow the crowd. When walk-ons are in the woods the pack wants to play speed ball. When the walk-ons are playing speedball the pack wants to play air ball, and etc.

Those that know me know that I like to please. But here's the dilemma:

Do I pull one of the two refs that are working a group of 25 to please the pack?

Do I hire more refs and dedicate them to four players? (Side note here. It's hard to appreciate this unless you've been there. Reffing six or less players is like watching water boil. The game lasts forever and is boring....blah. Which leads me to...)

Do I sit the rest of the walk ons while I allow the pack to play a "quick" speed ball game (I also get asked a lot if I can "spare" a ref for a "quick one-on-one game).

And then there is the "variation of a theme" suggestion. "Why 12? Why can't groups of 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 or 8 or 9 or 10 or 11 reserve a field?"

I don't expect my players to understand the economics of operating a paintball field. But here's the deal. If a group of 12 reserves a ref (you might think I would say, "reserves the field", but in actuality groups reserve a ref) and only brings 10 players I lose money. If the group only brings 11 I break even. If they bring 12 I make just enough profit to take my grand daughter to McDonalds! I count on groups bringing 13 or 14 or 15 or, etc. (Or buying a lot of snacks... :)

So, I'm all over the charts with this post. Back to the original "pack" that wants to do their own thing:

Groups (packs) of 4 or 5 or 6? Ummmmmmmm, don't think so!

Get together a group of 12 and reserve a ref.

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Anyone need a mattress?

Someone decided to use the ditch at the entrance of the field as their own personal dumping ground. Couple of nasty mattresses, old baby furniture, trash. Thanks folks (though I doubt you'll read this).

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Hiding...!

I haven’t posted in awhile. You might think that’s because there hasn’t been anything happening to make me mean and grumpy. Actually, the reason I haven’t posted in awhile is because I’m hiding out.

It’s spring break time in Arkansas.

And people think I should be opened 24/7.

Yeah, I know. I work in a service industry - open weekends, holidays, convenient hours.

But, hey! Sometimes I just like to go fishing.

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So, what did these guys want?

I'm sitting in my office at midnight last night and I spot a car in the parking lot on my security monitor. I go to my upstairs window in time to see two guys get out of the car (there's a light in the parking lot) and walk directly to a spot at the edge of the lot where there is a pile of rocks and old bricks. I spotlighted them as they were walking toward the Pro-shop and they froze in there tracks. They said something to each other that I couldn't make out, jumped into the car and squealed the tires on there way out.

This morning I walked out to the parking lot to the spot where they were parked and found a brick laying on the ground.

They picked a perfect brick. It's completely covered with some sort of smooth, black, dry tar. I have fingerprints to go with the security tape!

What a world.

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I deleted the "Comments" section...

I don't need to hear "Poor baby...we do enjoy hearing about your misery!" from some anonymous knucklehead. I'm not here looking for commiseration. I don't need sympathy. I don't even need anyone to agree with me. I love paintball. I love managing and operating T-Square Paintball and I love all my customers. All of them. Some more than others. Some more today than yesterday.

Especially the ones that think I'm "mean and grumpy". They know me the best.

This is my blog...er....thing. My place to vent. The other 23 hours a day I just grin and bear it!

Peace. Out.

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RING! RING!

"Hello. T-Square Paintball. Can I help you?"

(young voice) "Yeah. How do I get there?"

"Umm, you need directions?"

"Yeah. Yeah, how do I get there?"

"What direction are you coming from?"

"Wait. Let me put my Mom on. MOM!! MOM!! MOM!!"

(fumbling of the phone - woman's voice) "Where are you located?"

"We are 3 miles north of Jacksonville on Old Highw..."

"No. No. How do I get there?"

"Oh. I'm sorry. You want directions."

(gum smacking - kids yelling in background) "Yes. How do I get there?"

"Well, ma'am. What direction are you coming from?"

"What direction? Why does that matter?"

"The directions are different, depending on what direction you're coming from."

"Little Rock. (kid yelling in background - "MOM. MOM. Ask if they rent automatics!") I'm coming from Little Rock."

"Ahhh, ok. Take 67/167 north to Jacksonville and take exit 11 - yada, yada, yada..."

(more gum smacking) "Ok. And when I turn right after the bridge, that's the service road, right?"

"No, ma'am. Actually it's not."

"Are you sure??"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you sure it's not the service road??"

"Well, ma'am it's actually North First Street/John Harden/Old Highway 67. But that's a bit confusing so we just tell people to turn right after the bridge and stay on that road for three miles. You'll see the field on the left.

"Don't I have to bear to the left somewhere along there?"

"No, ma'am. That spot has been replaced with an intersection. After you turn right after the bridge just stay on that road for three miles."

"Are you sure?? I remember bearing to the left there somewhere."

I'm sure, ma'am. Turn right after the bridge and..."

"Never mind. I'll find it."

CLICK.

(a half hour later) RING. RING.

"Hello. T-Square Paintball. Can I help..."

(it’s the gum smacker) "I’m on the service road. (kids yelling in the back ground) Where the hell are you located?"

At this point I was tempted to tell her to head south to I-30, go east, and continue driving till she saw signs for Jacksonville, Florida. "Ma'am, what direction are you traveling on the service road?"

"How should I know! Talk to my husband."

(more phone fumbling) "HELLO!"

"Yes, sir. What direction are you going on the service road?"

"Service road? I’m looking at a church."

"Is it on your left or right?"

"Left or right??? I said I’m looking at it. It’s right in front of me!"

"If you are on the service road you have to be passing the church with it on your left or right."

"Who said I was on the service road? I’m in the church parking lot. I’m looking right at the church."

DON'T DO IT. DON'T DO IT! DON'T SAY IT. Calmly, slowly release your white knuckle grip on the phone and help these people find T-Square.

I wonder how the other 145 players currently scurrying through the woods managed to find us?

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YUP! YUP!

From a comment in the Suggestion Box...

"I have even been lit up on your field on the speed ball area even when I raised my marker and called "HIT"."

Yup. That makes me mean and grumpy.

Tell ya what makes me crazy...

Players that yell "HIT" and then stand straight up in a bunker or step around a spool with no regard for the player that didn't hear "HIT", or the player who is shooting past or over the bunker trying to hit someone behind them.  And how about the three or four more balls that are already in the air?  STAY DOWN!

SPEEDBALL is akin to stepping inside a bee's nest and KICKING THE WALLS!! You're gonna get stung!  And it's not much different in the woods.

Now, if a player gets hit, yells "HIT", stays down (or in), plugs their gun, yells "HIT" again, raises their gun, yells "HIT" again and runs off the field yelling "HIT" and gets LIT UP ON THE WAY OFF THE FIELD I will search out the person who lit them up and rip them a new one!

Problem is, most players who get hit go blank in the head. A hit player goes into the "fight or flight" mode. In some cases the first reaction is to fight back resulting in the dastardly "shooting on" syndrome. Some players choose "posturing" and will growl and yell at the attacker. In the flight mode all the player can think about is GETTING THE HECK OUT OF THERE!

Any player who resorts to basic caveman instincts is not considering the realities of the 21st century game called paintball. Sometimes I think about writing a book titled, "Everything I Learned About Life I learned From Paintball"!

peace. out.

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Mean and Grumpy to the 10th power...!

So, I get this e-mail requesting information about the field. "What does paint cost? How much is the field fee? What are your hours?", etc. I get about a dozen of these a week. Not a bunch. But enough where I really don't have time to respond to each with a personal response. So I send them a quick "Thank you for your interest!" note and the field web page address.

Along with the typical questions, this last e-mail included, "I went to your web page but got lost."

Okay, so maybe I was tired, perhaps even a bit cranky. I should have taken the time to answer his questions directly. Instead I replied with, "If you got lost on the web site I can't see there being much hope for me explaining anything....try again! T-Square".

Well, hell's bells, I might as well have gone out back and kicked the cat!

This is what I got back (cleaned up version (the language, not the grammar or spelling))..."%uck you &itch, #uckin answer the simple questions i had like how much is paint and what are you hours thats a good way to get people to play out there eat $hit and die stupid #itch."

And, yeah, I should have let it go. But nooooo! I quick typed and entered, "Well, you're certainly not someone I want playing here. thanks for clearing that up for me."

And I honestly thought that would be the end of it. Again. nooooo! This morning I check my e-mail to find, "%igger im going to come to your field and ull never know who i am stupid #itch".

Which caused me to reply, "As long as you behave yourself and follow the safety rules I don't care who you are......." (Which isn't really true since I certainly do care)

To wrap this story up I checked my e-mail this evening and found, "alright then sry i was a dick i just wanted to know ur paint prices and compressed air prices?"

I wish I could tell you I make this stuff up!! My first thought was to send him the website link again. Instead I deleted his e-mail. I'm mean and grumpy and silly like that at times.

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Well, yesterday presented an interesting moment!

The weather was nice so I had the front and side door of the Pro-Shop opened. From where I was working I could see both doors.

Something/someone flashed past the front door, and before I could give it much thought, something/someone flashed past the side door. I stepped out the side door in time to watch some guy running his @ss off through my neighbors field and then jump an embankment into the auto junk yard beyond.

Now you have to understand. Although we are located only 15 miles north of Little Rock we are basically out in the middle of nowhere! When people do stop by they usually are around long enough to at least say "Hello"! I walked, while scratching my head, around to the front of the shop and looked up to see two county sheriff cars and a small import parked in my parking lot.

"Oh", I thought to myself. "This is gonna be good."

Me being the good Samaritan that I am (or rat bastard depending on whose point of view you take), I strolled over to the two sheriffs (being careful to keep my hands in plain site at all times) and informed them that the young lady in the import probably had a passenger when she pulled into my parking lot.

They seemed mildly interested in my report but didn't go "guns a'blazin" to the junk yard. Instead they spent the next 20 minutes tearing the inside of the import apart. I had work to do so I returned to the shop.

I'd like to be able to end this post by reporting a wild police chase through the junk yard and a possible T-Square Paintball appearance on "Cops" but I can't. Instead, when the Sheriffs were done they drove off, the young lady in the import drove off (presumably to find her boyfriend) and the excitement was over.

So, all said and done, it was an interesting moment. Not an interesting day nor an interesting, continuing situation but merely, an interesting moment. We have alot of interesting moments around here!

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You thought i would post everyday???

Why in the heck do people drive past the sign in the parking lot that says "Closed Monday and Tuesday", walk up to the door of the Pro-Shop, where there is another sign that says "Closed Monday and Tuesday" and then, when it's obvious to everyone in the world that it is Monday or Tuesday, KNOCK ON THE DAMN DOOR???

In some cases, POUND ON THE DAMN DOOR???

Who am I kidding. We ALL know why!!

post script: After posting this I realized I should elaborate. I live at the Pro-Shop/Field. Literally. Behind the counter I have a small office and apartment. This is great from a security stand point. But it sucks otherwise. I haven't had many real days off in over 10 years!!!

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Tourney thoughts...

(from T-Square's Forum page)

no tournaments are scheduled at this time.

i also want to go on record - it will be a cold day down under before i ever hold another tournament that allows electronic guns. the paintball "rate of fire" race is totally out of control.

i seem to be the only one in the world who thinks the possibility of 10 or 15 or 20 balls per second into the back of the head is insane... so i will continue my one man boycott against high rate of fire guns on my own. occasionally i will run a special event tournament such as our "keep the gun tournaments" or "hopperball" mechanical guns only tournaments.

T-Square Paintball Field is a "rec" ball field and will remain so.

i have no patience for "indy car" drivers on my "go cart" track.

hope that clears things up for you.

mick gray/t-square paintball


i should point out that i don't like feeling the way i do about tournament play.

i enjoy competition and i love paintball...but paintball is going to destroy itself if this quest for "high rate of fire" and "win at all cost" is allowed to continue.

there are "small" tournaments out there. but you will not find one that isn't SERIOUS! no matter where you go, where you play, there is always one or two teams looking to knock you on your ass with guns that ramp or bounce or magically increase in FPS.

yes it's a shame a few ruin it for the many. yes it's tempting to say, "just throw the offending teams off the field". problem is it's getting harder and harder to detect cheater boards and assisted triggers. add to that the wipers, punks, overly aggressive players and win at all cost attitudes....and, well...do i sound cynical?? maybe.

go to Orlando and watch the "PRO's" act like 4 year olds. go to a local tourney and watch the local refs throw a tourney to the local team. go to the IAO in Pittsburg and listen to rookie and amateur teams use language that would fry a sailor's hair. go to any tournament and watch the refs get treated like crap because they couldn't instantly make a call over three circumstances occurring simultaneously in a thousandth of a second.

Who's to blame? How do we return sanity to the game?

kids see "paintball" on ESPN and want to shoot like the pro's without ever knowing what "rec" ball is. Manufacturers take rec ball guns and turn them into cheap, paint slinging versions of a tourney gun cause that's what kids tell their parents they NEED! new teams cheat cause they want to be pros. pro teams insist on 26 balls per second because their opponents just got a marker that shoots 25. pro teams cheat cause they have to win to attract sponsors. sponsors put up with the cheating cause they want their logo seen on ESPN.

and all the while I’m typing this I’m realizing that on any given rec ball day here at T-Square there is always one or two players trying to overshoot a buddy, wiping, cussing, trying to get over on the ref and generally doing all the knucklehead things i can't stand tournament players doing.

the difference is these knuckleheads are just a small part of the 95% of paintball players that play because it's fun. i put up with them and deal with them (some days are harder than others) in order to bring the thrill and challenge of paintball to the masses!

the clock is ticking down for tournament players. someone is going to get hurt bad (there have already been some serious, but not "major", incidents). whether as a result of overshooting or from a bench clearing throw down it's not going to matter. what's left to find out is if paintball in general is riding on that same clock. one to many votes by your city council or state legislature could send it all down the tubes for all of us.

I’d say that's my two cents worth but i probably rambled on for fourteen or fifteen cents worth...

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The original "Mean and Grumpy" post!

Someone recently suggested I not be so mean and grumpy.

me??

bah! humbug!

i do need a vacation. i've been a bit short tempered lately. with success comes more - more good, more bad more stress, more fun.

let me tell you what makes me mean and grumpy.

i won't sell crap in my pro-shop. there is enough inferior, not worth the price of the plastic, paintball junk out there already. i sell equipment that i spend money and time on testing. when someone comes in my shop cussing at a marker i sold them that has been abused, misused, trashed out with cheap paint or doesn't work because "their friend lost some parts" i get mean and grumpy.

people getting ripped off on the internet (EBay!!!) makes me mean and grumpy. the dilemma... do i get mean and grumpy with the person who let themselves get ripped off or do i get mean and grumpy with the faceless seller behind the computer screen? usually i get mean and grumpy with myself (and take it out on my daughter behind the counter). i blame myself for not being able to convince everyone that "the buyer should beware"!

people who shoot their gun plug across my safe zone and say the marker "went off by accident" will make me mean and grumpy. A PAINTBALL MARKER (AS WELL AS FIREARMS) CAN NOT GO OFF BY ACCIDENT. PERIOD! oh? what's that you say? the trigger is set so close on your high tech electro paintblender that it goes off if you breath on it??? well then it didn't go off by accident. it went off because you set the trigger so close it goes off if you breath on it!!

same goes for when my refs get hit "by accident". YOU CAN'T HIT ANYTHING BY ACCIDENT. paintballs come out of the marker and go in the direction that the barrel is pointed. if you hit a ref it was because you had your barrel pointed at the ref. and, of course, as we covered earlier, markers can not go off by accident! hitting my refs always makes me mean and grumpy.

people who turn their marker on it's side while shooting, or shoot while running and bouncing, or try to get 15 balls a second out of their rental (or 30 balls a second out of their electro-blender) or who don't consider that it's pouring rain or 30 degrees outside, AND THEN COMPLAIN THAT I HAVE CRAPPY PAINT make me mean and grumpy. and hey, does anyone know what a spit ball is??? once you do break a ball it's not the marker's fault or the paint's fault for balls flying in circles. it's your dumb lack of luck! ask a ref to clean your barrel!!

same goes for players that dive into a bunker, doing a couple of flips before they crash HOPPER FIRST into the dirt! saying your paint broke in the hopper BECAUSE IT'S CRAPPY will make me mean and grumpy. oh yeah, and trying to shoot my field paint through your $150 tight assed tournament barrel??? duhhhhhhhh! crappy paint???

four or five players complaining because i stopped a game when they only have one opponent left, people wanting to play tournament level play on my rec-ball field, one of my young players coming off the field with 6 hits stitched up his back, a Dad playing with a bunch of 10 year olds who has to capture the flag himself every game, walmart guns that players expect me to fix RIGHT NOW!, that dumb look i get when i ask someone if they know how to chronograph their marker, 2 or 3 in a group of walk-ons who ONLY WANT TO PLAY SPEEDBALL or who ONLY WANT TO PLAY IN THE WOODS, the player that gets hit, stands straight up, and then cusses at other players for hitting him again... yeah baby... these are things that will make me get real mean and grumpy.

so by now are you asking yourself, "why in the heck doesn't this mean, grumpy old man get out of the business."? (by the way, i'm just getting warmed up!)

i can tell you why.

when Dad (or Mom) comes to me at the end of the day with a kid grinning from ear to ear and says they had the best time ever all the other stuff disappears. corny, but true. paintball is fun.

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Oh NO, you didn't just say that!

From next door and around the world - here are some notable paintball remarks some of us would like to forget and some of us would like to remember:

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A friend told me about a video in which a group of Navy SEALs armed only with sharpies(as in the marker) went up against a professional paintball team. Does anyone know of such a video somewhere on the web? If so please post a link. (Yahoo Answers)

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corythomason A kid in my class is wearing paintball pants. So, if a paintball war erupts today at least one of us is prepared. (Twitter)

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The profanity in my videos is intentionally put in the videos, to offend those persons who are offended by profanity. (Mike from TechPB)

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silvermarquis Played paintball for the 1st time today. It was fun, then not fun, then fun again. Thanks to @redrabbit for organizing! I'll def try again!(Twitter)

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sniffmyballs #whenwewereyoung Slingshot + Snails = Ghetto Paintball (Twitter)

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JR: 7-man players appreciate that they can play poorly, and get away with it because no one is looking. In XBall, when you screw up, you're almost certainly going to get shot in the face. (from ProPaintball.com Smackbox)

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A God among men Oliver Lang has proven him self in the paintball world as the best.

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Super Dan - Paintball..You think you could just walk on field, shoot some people, then walk off the field..easy? Nope there's always some kinda drama.. (MySpace)

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sniffmyballs #whenwewereyoung Slingshot + Snails = Ghetto Paintball (Twitter)

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JR: 7-man players appreciate that they can play poorly, and get away with it because no one is looking. In XBall, when you screw up, you're almost certainly going to get shot in the face. (from ProPaintball.com Smackbox)

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A God among men Oliver Lang has proven him self in the paintball world as the best.

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"The only downside to this is that 50% of all paintball fields close because they make too much money! "EMoney

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Super Dan - Paintball..You think you could just walk on field, shoot some people, then walk off the field..easy? Nope there's always some kinda drama.. (MySpace)

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teleken: OK, someone decided to shoot a paintball at my car. I can retaliate, but darn, all I have is a .380 with a 10 round magazine...

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A mother, who had just watched her son and his friends play paintball, admonished the field owner. "If you gave all of them flags, they would get along better and not shoot each other." (A true story courtesy of Durty Dan)

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DSloanpbp people who drive mopeds are funny,but people who drive mopeds with paintball masks are hilarious - Twitter

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JackieFromRosea: @LadyB84 omg you play paintball also? that kinda gave me a boner and not many girls can do that to me (yeah twitter again!)

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getting over cold...paintball pants came in today...just ordered gloves and jersey...now to save for the gun lol (twitter)

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Rasponet: Quote of the day: "Don't tell a combat veteran about your paintball match." Author unknown (Twitter)

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My views:
Brilliant, visionary and almost always correct. Get used to it. Oh, and I'm humble too. Feel free to disagree as long as you are prepared to be wrong. (View From the Dead Box)

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The paintball leagues are using radar to check player's guns for rate of fire and feet per second. Just like the radar the police use to check your cars speed, this radar is detectable. The new Wolfpack Radar Sensing Ramp Board can sense when the radar is specifically upon you and changes the output of the gun to the "safe" mode. When the radar is gone, the gun returns to the "uncapped" mode.

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paintball and weed don't mix, don't ask me how i know just keep it in mind (picked up from Twitter)

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definitely NOT gay.. it's basically paintball. if you think pb is gay, you think the marines are gay, because they use pb to train (picked up on Twitter)

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Paint the Weak, Hurdle the Dead (Scenario team motto!)

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People buy batteries because they don't know how to pump it correctly. Think about it, this works on soooooooo many levels. (found in PaintballRepUSA 's PBN signature!

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Desert Edge (a paintball team) is unique in the paintball community in several ways. First and foremost, we're committed to sportsmanship. (Unique?? Excuse me!? From an article in this months PaintballX3 - Officer's Meeting))

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Are people going to be naked at this event (Paint Club)?

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There is a strong possibility that you will encounter a naked body at this event. However, contrary to the rumor I was forced to answer in a phone conversation yesterday, players will NOT be in states of undress. The naked and/or semi-naked will be professional dancers, not paintball players. (From a "Paint Club" press release)

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Okay I understand we shoot people…but….WITH PAINT! It’s a sport…you are not in a crime family….

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...in "tournament" paintball, which is I guess what they call that mess of cheating self important chest shavers who get paid by giant evil corporations to fly around the country playing a half dozen 9 second games over the course of 5 day weekends to determine who is the best at nefariously programing a tiny circuit board to fire so many balls per second and at such a blistering speed that every ball launched is half a Newton (away) from exploding in the gun under the noses of the obviously paid off referees, the custom gun is dead.

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I am not sure if you are aware of the Paintclub 21 game, but Billy put together an invitational game for adults and this (CENSORED) wants to pick it apart. Since when does this (CENSORED) run the moral police of paintball. After what he and his (CENSORED) wife did what they did to dale I question anything they want to say about paintball morals.

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There are two kinds of cheaters in paintball, honest and dishonest.

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Today my middle schoolers spent 30 minutes playing paintball and 3.5 hours debating the fairness of the teams.

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BabyRazorGod, you're to humor what Helen Keller would be to competitive paintball

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@brwpwayne Could someone hold off an angry bear with a paintball gun?? Inquiring minds want to know.

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zach_hill: I just shot a paintball in the house!!! I'm an idoit!!! Dallas (twitter)

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"I see dead people..., and they are still shooting at me WTF CHECK HIM REF" (Tyler Powell - Facebook)

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(PBNation) - We tied a paintball sized knot at the top and fed it through the feedneck. It shot the rope but it didn't for far. We got a longer rope and put a couple more knots and shot full auto. The rope shot pretty far and really fast. So there you have it. A gun that literally shoots ropes!!!

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(Facebook) - Most comfortable paintball pants ever....helped us go to the finals!!

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(From an EBay listing) - The co2 tank should not need to be co2 tested but may need to be.

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(From a Facebook profile) - I am currently involved in a very serious relationship with paintball. I am truly more in love than I ever have been in my whole life. It's true you can ask anyone... my wife, my brother, my mother, my children...anyone. Paintball is my one true lov

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